Filler Words: How the Patterns in Our Speech Affect Our Connections

Um. So. Like. But. Right. These sorts of filler words might seem innocuous, but they are far from it. We all speak in patterns and though these words are common in peoples’ conversations, they are blind spots that break down connection. This results in those conversing feeling unheard and misunderstood. The only way to change this is by becoming aware of your patterns and interrupting them.

When was the last time you heard a friend, partner or co-worker use words such as “but” or “like” seemingly every other word? Now take a moment and think about the story that began forming in your mind. Let me ask you to stretch further in this reflection and consider the quality of your listening as you were in this conversation. Did the story (judgement) become louder in your mind than the person speaking? This is the power these unnecessary and distracting words hold in conversations. They distract listening and lower the impact of the communication.

In my coaching with young professionals I see how things change for the better in their businesses and relationships when they become aware of this pattern and stop using filler words. It changes the way they connect with others and how they sound in conversations with clients when educating and making recommendations. When these team members notice and shift their patterns, they have greater-impact and higher-level conversations, which significantly grows their confidence and connections with others.

Moment of Introspection & Leadership:

When was the last time you listened to yourself speak? We have many tools today that can help us understand what we sound like and how we use our words. I became very aware of my filler word “so” as I replayed and watched my recorded team huddles. This was a great tool for me to quickly see how changing this in my leadership and speaking would keep my team more engaged as I shared valuable information. Marco Polo is another great tool for noticing the filler words you fall back on and changing your pattern.

My question for you is to think about the impact you want to have when you are in conversations. If your intention is to connect and stay connected from start to finish, this practice could be the awareness that aligns your intention with your impact!

Hot Tip: Experiment saying “and” in place of “but.” Feel the difference and listen to how you sound, as well as how others stay connected with you!

“Words are powerful. Words change lives: words and ideas change the world.”

— Bryant H. McGill

REFLECTIVE & DISCOVERY QUESTIONS FOR THOUGHTS & JOURNALING

What is the most important way for you to make a conversation impactful?

What is one way you can strengthen your conversation?

FOR YOUR TEAM DAILY HUDDLE

What is one filler word of yours that you are wanting to let go?