Transform Empathy Into Compassion to Offer Greater Love and Support

I want to “double click” on empathy and compassion to help us show up differently for others when they need extra love, understanding and support. You might recall this technique from my past communications, a Conversational Intelligence® tool used to find the deeper meaning behind the words we use. Have you ever stopped to think about the meanings and actions behind these two words?

Compassion is about helping others move into a better-feeling place. It’s not necessarily about finding a solution; it’s about finding a way to offer support. A compassionate offering might be something like, “I can see you are struggling and upset. How can I support you best right now?” This is a skill you can develop to see the situation and the person outside of the deep emotional pain.

Empathy is actually feeling what another person is feeling and putting yourself in their shoes. We get stuck in their emotions with them. With this comes an inherent loss of perspective, and a resulting inability to help them move to a better place. We can all learn to shift empathy into compassion for a more empowered response when those around us need extra love and support.

In my coaching conversations I see empathy show up as a road block when people are stuck in the emotions, saying things like “I am an empath and feel everything everyone else is feeling; if others are sad, I feel their sadness.” This is true for so many, and it’s a beautiful quality that creates strong human connection to have the ability to stand in others’ shoes.

The challenge lies in getting stuck in the emotions of the person in need. We are most effective helping people we care about who are struggling when we’re able to bring hope into these situations, which comes from a place of compassion. In these moments I look for words that help shift me into what the person is experiencing, and once I feel we are connected with that emotion, I then look for words that can move us into seeing possibilities and new hope in the conversation. I invite you to experiment with these tools to see how you can move from empathy to compassion with those who are struggling and need support.

Moment of Introspection & Leadership:

Humans have a deep universal need to help others. When hard things happen in our lives we look for help and support in order to feel better. A common blind spot lies in thinking we’re helping others by listening and feeling their pain, when what’s actually most beneficial is helping those we care about move out of their pain and find relief.

I remember when my dear friend found out she had breast cancer. I recall her telling me that one of the hardest parts was when she shared the news with her friends and family, and they would share back their pain and sadness for her. She felt like she had to be the strong one because of how they would take the news and stay in a place of sadness. Of course she knew this came from a loving place of deep caring for her, and felt that as well.

After learning more about empathy vs compassion, I had to look back to when she shared this news with me. I could relate to being stuck in the feelings of sadness; my friend was actually consoling me. Now I see how I could have been there differently for her, feeling the emotions and then moving into compassion with the perspective of offering her support at that time.

Reflecting is not about judging. I believe experiences are meant to help us grow. I love learning and the humbleness that comes from always knowing I am a work in progress. I’m always reminding myself to stay in love with the process, and I hope you give yourself permission to do the same.

“True compassion means not only feeling another's pain but also being moved to help relieve it.”

— Unknown

REFLECTIVE & DISCOVERY QUESTIONS FOR THOUGHTS & JOURNALING

How do you stay emotionally strong when others around you are down?

What does it look like and feel like to treat yourself with compassion and care?

FOR YOUR TEAM DAILY HUDDLE

How can we show up for each other today with more compassion and care?